What Do Women Want in a Relationship? by H. Ayala

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Article By: H. Ayala
June 9, 2010
ORLANDO, Fla. — The other day I presented this question to my intern and while I wait for her 500 word essay I decided to act on it myself. I don’t profess to be an authority on the subject of love or relationships, hardly! Still, it did cause me to pause.

The human heart is a very complex organ. However I do believe when a woman has made such a connection with another she doesn’t want to sit there twiddling her thumbs while the other neatly pigeonholes it. When two people develop a bond, a genuine connection for one another, this bond can be very strong or it can easily be mistaken for agape love (a no strings attached union). So I believe the first thing one has to determine outright is what type of relationship either party is seeking beforehand then move forward from there.

Dating is wonderful. It can mend a broken heart or it can give you new beginnings. But, if you are like most truly seeking a worthwhile union it can be like a merry-go-round. At first, being on a carousel can be romantic riding round and round as the two of you gaze into each others eyes, but after a few rotations you realize you’re going no where fast. So be true to yourself otherwise your acceptance of the situation will only make you suffer silently and eventually put a major strain on the relationship.

Then there’s the flip side of that, when one is in a relationship for a very long time things can get off track and instead of working through it with their significant other they fall for the attentions of another and cheat. In this instance, I believe one should take a step back and bring to mind what it was that bought the two of you together, think about how you first met and how the relationship evolved and what caused it to go amiss. If in the final analysis, you discover it’s worth holding on to try to reach an understanding. This does not mean one has to compromise their beliefs except don’t be dogmatic about it, work through your differences.

Should your situation involve cheating, take into account that a cheater who cheats just because will always cheat. (Forgive me for using a he here as there are women like this too.) When a man cheats and has no complaints about it, feels there is nothing to work on, this usually is a really bad sign and should be a red flag that he is probably not trustworthy. Furthermore, you will never gain the trust back if the cheating party will not answer your questions or do whatever you need to trust him again.

Now if this is about lying, lying too is really bad. In my opinion omissions are deceptions and deceptions lead to betrayal. Many times this is coupled with cheating. If this is the case for you, and here is where it gets tough, you need to ask yourself why — why you accepting this behavior. Take some time apart to assess the relationship, focus on whether those moments together were indisputably worthwhile or, are you simply going to trivialize his actions to accept something which clearly is not doable. If you can’t validate your decision or you find yourself at a crossroad then move on as he will never change and you are merely holding on in the hopes that he will.

I’ll be the first to admit that there is no way for us to tell our hearts to switch gears, or more importantly to stop our feelings but if you view this as a learning experience, you will rise above it. Remember mistakes should be learned from and not simply forgotten. We have the ability to choose our reality, our thoughts and our feelings.

Though I’ve said much, there still remains that immanent question — What Do Women Want in a Relationship? I’m sure we can all think of the many other probabilities yet I do believe TRUST is the biggest factor for women in any relationship. We have all danced with the green-eyed monster at some point in our lives. And if you give in to it, you’ve only done yourself a disservice. Remember once the feelings of envy or jealousy have surfaced it takes over and only wreaks havoc in the relationship. But, if there is trust then respect love honesty companionship and admiration follow, which invariably will open the path to an attainable reality and of course charged with great intensity and passion.

Keep in mind that trust is something that is easily given, easily broken and almost never regained again. However, trust can mend a broken heart if the relationship is worth it. But, if your partner is looking for a way to end things, then this might be the beginning of the end.